Going to the bathroom with a phone in my hand?
When’s the last time you went to the bathroom empty-handed?
Waking up this morning, I followed my usual routine — had some hot water in the kitchen, and I headed for the bathroom.
I unconsciously stopped right when I was about to exit the kitchen. Something didn’t feel right. My hands were empty. I felt the need of keeping my hand occupied, so I picked my phone up, and then went into the bathroom.
While sitting on the toilet, I saw a few messages from Ben, so I replied there, even though my bottom had already finished its “business”.
As I reflected, this bathroom routine from the morning gave me a familiar feeling. During covid, one time, I was scrolling on Instagram while sitting on the toilet. Maybe because I didn’t find the feed interesting, my thumb kept swiping upwards so that my mind could finally find something worthwhile. Maybe after a minute or two, it finally kicked in that what I was simply wasting my time, so I consciously commanded my fingers to turn the screen off, so that I could focus on exactly why I sat on the toilet in the first place.
It wasn’t for long, I noticed myself looking at the same Instagram posts again. It was until then, I realised that my thumb had unconsciously reached for the Instagram thumbnail again. Annoyed at myself, I closed the app before turning the screen off this time.
It wasn’t until the third time that I noticed myself scrolling my Instagram feeds, I finally realised that something was wrong, and it had been this way for a long time. It appeared that my thumb had learned the exact position of the Instagram thumbnail on my phone, so that it could manage to open the app even with my eyes closed. I also realised that, my mind seemed to struggle to deal with “boredom”. If it felt bored, it sent a signal to my thumb without me realising, and my thumb swiftly reached for the Instagram thumbnail, so that my mind could feel more stimulated when I sat on the toilet.
I was a bit scared when realising this. I wonder how much time I had wasted on mindlessly scrolling. And I wonder how often I did things without really focusing on the actual activity I was doing. For the Instagram example, instead of sitting on the toilet, and focusing on the actual “business” going underneath, my mind would prefer to stare at my phone screen instead. I suspected there were also many instances where I thought I was cooking, but my mind was not fully immersed in the culinary experience, the activities I performed with my hands. Instead, my mind probably was focusing on the podcasts I was playing while my body was just going through the motion of cooking.
That was actually the last day I had used Instagram. After realising how it was affecting me, I deactivated my account immediately. My world was quieter, but emptier. The emptiness didn’t last long, because I grew to enjoy it and found myself reclaiming my focus again.
This morning, however, the need of taking my phone into the bathroom with me reminded me of the same problem, manifested in a different way. My mind wants to feel “engaged” when I’m sitting on the toilet. Instead of focusing on the exact activity my body was performing, my mind would rather stare at a screen again.
This time, I don’t think I’m going to get rid of my phone as a result. My phones has become such a necessity where I do my emails, banking, scan train tickets, etc.. Instead, for the next week or two, I’ll just focus on not taking my phone with me when going to the bathroom, both at home and work. In addition, I’ll also try to have my mind focus on my body again, despite it doing a not-so-pleasant activity when I’m sitting on the toilet. My body deserves my full attention. This can be my personal “yoga” training lol.