Returning to journaling
I loved journaling when I was little.
In middle school, I kept a personal blog. It was simple. I put loads of effort in the first week to make sure it look aesthetically pleasing to me. Once the look was settled, I only needed to focus on writing afterwords.
I liked the anonymity of it. My blog was a safe haven, where I could be open with my true feelings and ideas, not needing to worry about being watched and judged by the people in my real life, but it also allowed me to find real, albeit virtual, connections through which I felt that I was listened to and accepted.
My blog became less anonymous over time as it was discovered by my friends, classmates, parents, and school teachers, and I eventually had to abandon it by removing or hiding every single post.
During the first few years I stopped journal, life was a lot more hectic. I couldn’t tell if the hectic life was the result of my lack of formal reflection (journaling); Or, the absence of writing and mindful reflection was a manifestation of my hectic life. Either way, this was probably something too deep to ponder for a teenager in high school back then.
Over time, I got used to the new life without journaling, where the writing I did were formal essays for school projects, thesis for my degrees, formal emails to just get things done efficiently. The idea of journaling was completely, deeply, buried somewhere in my mind. Looking back, during that period, the lack of mindful reflection probably resulted in me just “going with the flow” and allowing life events to take over me. Instead of mindfully choosing my path and making decisions, I allowed the emotions which surfaced at my first impulse to lead me through situations.
Fortunately, I discovered an interest in Buddhism during my 3rd year in university, which gradually redirected me to be more in touch with my feelings and more mindful of the consequences of my speech and actions again.
It’s been a bit more than a decade since I had started developing an interest in Buddhism. I’ve really enjoyed my calm and peaceful life in the last few years, but life has chosen to test and challenge me again. My employer had a big round of reorg earlier this year, where 25% - 35% of my colleagues left. I got moved to work with colleagues abroad, my new manager is abroad, and my new colleagues are a lot more competitive, work much longer hours, and expect more from me. And as a result, instead of doing my contracted 37-hour routine weekly, I’ve been aligning myself to my new colleagues, doing 50-60 hours a week for work and spending my weekends learning what I’m asked to learn, also for work.
It has absolutely drained me. I’ve not meditated a single time since February, did minimal yoga myself, taught no yoga classes, and even struggle to find time to practise the violin.
Times like this really challenge me to reconsider what’s more important, a job that’s only getting more stressful but pays the bills, or the other activities which nurture my mind and soul, making me feel more human rather than like an efficient robot.
My frustration at my current lifestyle culminated after my morning meeting on Tuesday. Desperately looking for an immediate solution, I started to chat with Claude to look for a potential side hustle which could develop into a part-time job, so that I could gradually move away from my current, stressful, full-time corporate role. After a thorough brainstorming session, despite many immediately-profitable options being offered by Claude, I was more attracted to the idea of returning to journaling again fortnightly.
Bear Blog was also recommended by Claude. I needed a platform that’s minimalist and simple enough to allow me to start writing immediately. I’m tired of letting various peripheral decisions (design, subscription fee, marketing, etc.) distract me from the main activity — writing.
It feels oddly relaxing to type directly into a big textbox again, instead of writing every thing out in a local software, proofreading multiple times, editing, and copying & pasting into the blog.
And here it is, my first blog post in mid-year 2026, after my long hiatus from journaling. I’ve definite been missing this.